journey into the psychological darkness of selena gomez

Apple TV recently premiered a documentary about the last 6 years of Selena Gomez. It’s a dark and honest journey into her mental health.

Me and My Mind: Journey into the Psychological Darkness of Selena Gomez

Last update: November 20, 2022

We can all guess that in Hollywood, as in the world of music, all that glitters is not gold. We know that not all stars are happy and that behind the makeup, the sequins and in the privacy of the dressing rooms, there are many tears and lonely battles. Because success that comes fast and brings with it millions of fans and big contracts hardly leaves room for mental balance.

my mind and i is an Apple TV documentary about Selena Gomez. It’s not a jovial portrait of an artist who seems to have achieved it all in show business. Quite the opposite. It is an intimate journey in which we see her completely fall apart to try to rebuild after her those dark areas that stardom itself has caused in her since her childhood with Disney.

Because living under the public scrutiny, the interviews, the siege of the paparazzi It is not easy and more, when dealing with the demons of anxiety, fears, self-demand and health problems. Selena Gomez brings us a sincere and needed testimony about her psychological problems, as Demi Lovato, Lady Gaga or Billie Eilish did on her day.

“There’s a girl wracked with anxiety, who can’t move when she looks in the mirror. She smiles when everyone looks at her, but she cries when she’s alone. She hides because she is terrified of showing herself as she is. My world is so empty, so big and cold.

-Selena Gomez-

Selena Gomez is right now one of the biggest activists for mental health.

Fears, lupus and bipolar disorder

The Selena Gomez documentary is directed by veteran director Alek Keshishianwho in 1991 already made another similar production with Madonna titled Madonna: Truth or Dare. Thanks to him, the way filmmakers portrayed the world of celebrities was changed. Because if you really want to get to know someone, you must reveal their dark parts, those that remain out of the spotlight.

In My mind and I manages to undress the artist, the brand “Selena Gómez”, to show us the authentic young woman who lives inside. And we discover someone who, in the midst of hairdressers, makeup artists and assistants, does not stop showing an apathetic fatigue and uncomfortable neglect. Someone, who despite having everything, admits that there are days when she struggles to stay alive.

The documentary begins 6 years ago, just as he prepares for his tour Revive, which, after 54 performances, he would cancel to enter a psychiatric hospital. After that parenthesis, he began a journey that would rise as his personal exorcism, at which time many realities were erased from his life to appear in his day to day a new term: “mental health.”

“My thoughts often take over my mind. It hurts to think about my past, I want to breathe again. I love myself? How do I learn to breathe my own breath?

-Selena Gomez-

The years of the descent into the abyss

The director of the film, Alek Keshishian, decisively captures those “shadow” moments that allow us to get to know the young artist the most. In 2016 tour rehearsals we see her crying with her crew and her managers. “I have no idea what the hell I’m doing…” she insists through tears. It sucks the life out of me and I don’t want to act.”

Selena Gomez is the product of a society that emphasizes perfection and she is a direct victim of that marketing annihilating. She longs to forever break that umbilical cord to that past with Disney, as Miley Cyrus did in her day. She wants to show her sensuality as an adult, but without falling into her vulgarity, she wants to be that artist that the public wants and for which the director of her record company has opted. However, she doubts herself, she feels fallible and incapable of being what (supposedly) everyone wants.

The excessive demand drains Selena Gómez completely before a team that does not know very well what to answer, but who witnesses his own self-destruction. That fall into the abyss would come in 2018, when after being diagnosed with lupus and receiving a kidney transplant, he suffered a psychotic break.

The resurgence and the constant attempt to save herself

The accumulation of emotions my mind and i it is consistent, moving and effective and helps to have an authentic connection with Selena. His admission for two months in a psychiatric hospital and the diagnosis of bipolar disorder represent a before and after in his existence. Also in his artistic career.

Many might think that the goal of the documentary is to make the audience aware of the importance of mental health; which obviously is so. However, this production reveals to us a person who is trying to save himself almost every day.

Fame continues to generate her anxiety and in the midst of professional obligations, cameras and makeup artists, Selena looks around her as if those figures did not exist. As if she herself was not there. Therefore, and perhaps in an attempt to find her own roots and purposes, we see her visit those places where she grew up and was educated.

We accompany her on an emotional trip to Kenya to meet the young women whose educational project she finances and we also discover her starting projects to advocate for mental health. Theirs is now a constant battle to find authenticity in a world that mistakes the authentic for physical perfection.

Fame, the real disease

We could say that the documentary about Selena Gómez collects a challenging testimony from someone whose success devours her personal self. There are many moments in which we see her face a society that continues to see her as the ex-girl Disney. She also like Justin Bieber’s ex. She works to be an artist with her own voice in the middle of the musical jungle.

However, the media, photographers and journalists continue to treat her as a “product”. They subject her to headlines, news and simplistic and humiliating interviews at which she is outraged. Selena not only fights against her own physical and psychological illnesses, she must also face the most harmful of all: her own fame.

“I’m trying to be my best friend. I think I needed to go through that to be who I am.”

-Selena Gomez-

Selena Gomez, more shadows than lights

In my mind and i we discover a sick, tired, tearful, moody, anxious, spoiled and hopeful Selena Gomez. At one point, her friend Raquelle even points out that most do not imagine how “complex” Selena can be. All this undoubtedly makes this documentary more authentic, because if there is something we know about human beings, it is that we tend to be especially complex when it comes to suffering.

This production does not reveal every aspect of Selena Gomez’s personal journey through her last years of ups and downs. There are still more shadows than lights, but neither do we need (and should not) know everything. Because the goal is achieved, revealing the black holes of celebrities humanizes them and makes them close.

This proximity shows us that we all, in our own way, try the same thing: find reasons to continue living each day, trying to be less demanding with ourselves and more authentic.

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